I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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