I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
