How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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