Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
