apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
