god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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