becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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