I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
this just has baby written all over it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
