i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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