Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
