id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
