Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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