guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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