Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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