if i can run in heels then i can drive
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
