I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
