i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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