$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
