so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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