i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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