And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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