I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When are your genitals available?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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