I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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