I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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