He had one of those small greek statue penises
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
