I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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