when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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