i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
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