Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
