when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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