i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
