Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
