Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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