I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
