it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
