dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
