im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
