Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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