it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
