God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
