I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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