love makes seman taste better
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
