dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
