I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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