Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
