So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
