can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
