Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
