Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
