what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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