I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
