oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
