i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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