HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
