but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
