she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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