At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
